The Street Evangelist
The Gospel According to JR
Heaven is, being here now.
Resist complexity. Live simply.
The best advice remains silent.
Ears that listen are never lonely.
If you want to be loved, first love.
Commit. Limbo is no place to reside.
Never wrap a present in expectation.
I lusted after life and was born again.
My cathedral doors are always open.
There are no fences around paradise.
Karma is a bitch, and God is a woman.
Be yourself. In most cases, it’s enough.
If you scatter joy, others may pick it up.
After some ecstasy, I like a little rapture.
Cult following. — No flock, no shepherd.
When you dance with the devil, he leads.
There are no shortcuts — only right turns.
Love is not a word or a gesture. It’s an act.
If you want to kill a parable, take it literally.
The meek shall inherit what little is leftover.
My jokes sell much better than my sermons.
Give me a stage, and I’ll sing you a spiritual.
I endure the torture so I can enjoy the mercy.
For Buddha. — He lives well who suffers well.
I had no doubts until I started going to church.
I copied Christ until I developed my own persona.
When you are tender and sweet, life tastes better.
The best way to deal with death is to keep on living.
Without honor and integrity, there’s no true success.
I take the high road because there’s very little traffic.
I have won many battles simply by not fighting them.
No strength endures without flexibility. Do your yoga.
To be saved for all eternity — sounds like hell to me.
If you want savings, produce more than you consume.
You cannot have the resurrection without the sacrifice.
If I were an industrialist, I would manufacture miracles.
As a man stumbles upon the truth, he skates upon lies.
Too bad. — The great are rarely good, said The Prince.
You try living like Jesus, and everyone calls you a failure.
Technology cannot replace what’s missing in our hearts.
The greatest illusion is to believe one is without illusions.
I’ll settle for any altar as long as it puts me on a pedestal.
Vices are those things we thoroughly enjoy, but shouldn’t.
When you wrestle with your demons, be aware they cheat.
Not So Holy Man. — The High Priest on Sutter and Gough
A true guru is always a student first and a teacher second.
Virtue may not line your pockets, but it will soothe your soul.
I’ve got too much dirt on myself to pass judgment on others.
Everyone has a cross to bear. It’s just that some outsource it.
Being ordinary is not a sin if you do it in your own special way.
You cannot buy style any more than you can borrow character.
Saints are flawed, just like the rest of us. They just hide it better.
A limited release. — Coming soon to a street corner near you.
I pander to the masses because I definitely need their support.
Cultivate your mystique. Pretend to know something you don’t.
If you can figure out who you are, then life isn’t as big a puzzle.
I rode into town on an ass, and I couldn’t even elicit one alleluia.
If you want to stay kosher, don’t consort too much with the pigs.
Glass houses. — Every time I throw a stone, I shatter a window.
When Christ returns, I’m praying the Christians don’t crucify him.
A principle is worth fighting for but never quarrel over an opinion.
Take good care of your soul. It’s the only thing you take with you.
Home ec proverb. — If thou are to be free, keep thy overhead low.
A living truth is elastic in the very spots where dogma has calcified.
The only faith worth keeping is the one that stands the test of doubt.
Injustices don’t generally bother a man until they begin affecting him.
My main motivation for acquiring riches is so I can be more charitable.
Don’t stop until you achieve perfection. So don’t stop? Amen, brother.
I’m anxiously awaiting my apotheosis. I’m tired of being a mere mortal.
Heaven might have nicer guys, but Hell is likely to have hotter women.
I’ve had many religious experiences, and few of them were in a chapel.
I tried to raise a little awareness, but no one wanted to make a donation.
Wealth will bring very little joy to a man that couldn’t be happy without it.
The mother of invention. — Necessity eclipses even the highest fashion.
I’ve only personally witnessed soul in one place — black folks churches.
Philosophy wears rags. — You don’t have to have the best to be the best.
If you don’t occasionally offend someone, you’re not being honest enough.
Battle of the sexes. — Mom refers to me as a pacifist. Dad calls me a pussy.
Besides Washington, D.C., I consider every inch of America God’s Country.
No matter how much power and lust I consume, it never seems to fill me up.
I’ve always felt more comfortable playing the defense attorney than the judge.
Say what. — If it weren’t for the guilt, I don’t know how I could live with myself.
Mother was purer than the Virgin Mary, but somehow I still came out a bastard.
Associating with music is the closet man comes to communing with the divine.
When I pierced the veil of maya, Satan was standing there flipping me the bird.
Bonfire of the vanities. — The cleric said my book inspired him to start a bonfire.
The thought of being alone doesn’t terrorize those who enjoy their own company.
Fear and trembling. — I don’t know how in the hell I ended up in this predicament.
A toast to all the religions. — Every tradition deserves to be celebrated — with wine.
I’m a good Catholic. I have a very high tolerance for anyone that shares my views.
It’s more complicated than that. — Moral truths aren’t as simple as often portrayed.
The cloaks of authority hang on hypocrisy and the withered limbs of false prophets.
Like most preachers, I’m not averse to handouts. Doing the Lord’s work isn’t cheap.
I have a hard time making it to the crucifixions, but I’ve never missed a Last Supper.
They say the truth will set you free. Although historically, it’s landed more people in jail.
Confirmation bias. — If we believe in something, we’re likely to find its proof everywhere.
Any generosity of spirit I might possess, I inherited mostly from the poor side of my family.
From the looks of it, the ugly and the old are the two biggest groups promoting abstinence.
Big dreams. — I’m living on the remnants of yesterday’s dreams. Good thing they were big.
Speak for yourself. — For a good portion of our lives, we forsake the important for the trivial.
In his typical good humor, God produced thousands of hardships and not one damn easyship.
I can’t wait to become rich. Then, I can start worrying about more important things than money.
My plank, your speck. — I have no trouble recognizing my defects of character in other people.
Sexy Sadie. — I don’t see anything wrong with a spiritual guru getting laid every now and then.
Write-offs. — A successful holy man pays fewer taxes because he can claim more dependents.
Like any bush-league prophet, I had to go on a tour of foreign lands to receive a warm reception.
Tough job. — Being a good human being is the most difficult occupation in the whole wide world.
You cannot expect the guy upstairs to answer your calls if you only contact him in times of trouble.
So Orwellian. — There’s always a little truth in the propaganda and a little propaganda in the truth.
As soon as I tell people that I’m a clergyman and a writer, they run to hide the kids and the booze.
Jesus is a testament to society’s tendency to place crowns on those she once adorned with thorns.
Western heritage, Eastern promise. — My roots are Graeco-Roman, with a sprinkling of Zen on top.
Manual metaphor. — When you let go of your fear, your clenched fist transforms into an open hand.
Calvinism. — Predestination is for those weak souls who want God to shoulder all the responsibility.
In my opinion, a politician advertising his virtue is more obscene than a porn star displaying his vice.
On the bright side. — Blessed be the poor and helpless, for they have the rich and powerful to blame.
A koan. — You’ll find what you’re looking for when you stop searching for it in the most obvious places.
Maybe, tomorrow. — To reach Nirvana, you have to leave the rich, comfortable surroundings of your castle.
The Pilgrims escaped persecution in England so they could bring it to the New World and rename it justice.
Think of how many atrocities have been committed in the good name of the Church, the State, and the People.
It seems that most Holy Men start out following the path of Jesus only to end up in the camp of the Pharisees.
The only way I know how to endure great suffering is to operate under the premise that one day it will pay off.
There’s a right way and a wrong way, and without a moral compass, it’s difficult figuring out which one is which.
People are always creating schemes to take things from others, which would be so much easier and more gratifying to get on one’s own.
Born March 31, 2004 on a Santa Cruz beach. — I was surrounded by beauty, yet all I could think of was despair.
I took a vow of celibacy, but fortunately for the women in my congregation, I had my fingers crossed the whole time.
Can’t find my way home. — I’ve never had to employ empirical evidence because I have Blind Faith working for me.
The power of positive thinking. — Whenever I suffer a misfortune, I remind myself that I only missed a fortune by three letters.
There must be a God. — I cannot find much fault with the intelligent designer that gave me a pretty face and a way with words.
Non comprehendo. — The priests were much more convincing back in the day when you couldn’t understand a damn word of what they were saying.
The Good Book is supposed to save people, but how many has it killed. Holy wars are the height of human folly. Don’t sacrifice a living, breathing human being for some ghost in the sky.
I stopped admonishing my neighbors to wake-up when it finally dawned upon me that I was the biggest sleepwalker on the block.
Yesterday’s news. — All you have to do is miss the latest edition, and almost immediately, you’ve lost your competitive advantage. Focus on the eternal.
We generally place a premium on how we look to others and discount how we feel to ourselves. When actually, we should pay less for the projection and more for the real thing.
Dispense with those fanciful visions of tomorrow and learn to love the palpable reality of today. Everyday flesh and blood is the real soul of existence.
I skipped Sunday school because I figured I’d be more likely to experience an epiphany or revelation playing in the woods. Mother Nature is my God.
My entourage is small by contemporary standards. I only have one roadie. He’s responsible for lugging around my soapbox and protecting me from all the screaming girls.
Horse’s ass. — When I’m rich and successful, I’ll be the most magnanimous man in the world. Until then, I’m going to continue being an asshole.
Through a glass, darkly. — Sometimes, the man in the mirror is clear. Other times, there’s nothing but fog for a reflection.